Patriot fans finish last again
by Howie Carr
Thursday, Jan. 20, 2011
There is no joy in Shillville — the “dynasty” got a bone in its throat for the sixth consecutive year.
It’s over. Now, please, can all of you jock-sniffers, cheerleaders, frontrunners and pom-pom boys just Get Over It and move on to the next overhyped sporting event.
I’ve got it — Beanpot Fever Sweeps Hub!
Oh, the inconsolable gloom that envelops Patsies Nation. I heard that on Sunday night after the stomping, some local loser issued this plaintive cry:
“My win-tah is spoiled!”
On Sunday, “we” were going to the Super Bowl. Then “they” lost.
Really, it would take a heart of stone not to laugh. But now it’s time to take the Patriots flag down from your front door, and it’s way past time to get that Patriots spare-tire cover off the back of the SUV, not to mention to put away the Triple XL Brady No. 12 sweatshirts.
Most of all, it’s time for these overwrought, overweight yahoos to stop thinking. There’s something not quite healthy about this obsession a certain class of males around here has for Mr. Gisele Bundchen.
Like, why do they hate the supermodel so much? Are they ... jealous? Some of these guys, when you hear them breathing heavily as they gush about Brady, you start thinking two words: restraining order.
The fellowship of the miserable, as Rick Pitino once described this sad collection, gravitates to two radio outlets: one appeals to 30-year-old men who live in their mom’s basement — the other to 50-year-old men who live in their mom’s basement.
Remember Brady’s fender-bender in the Back Bay in September. The basement boys reacted as if al-Qaeda had struck New York again. One of the room-temperature-IQ producers called 911. Like, it’s, like, Tom Brady, man, the greatest quarterback ever.
Host No. 1: I love Tom Brady more than you!
Host No. 2: No you don’t, I love Tom Brady much more than you do!
Host No. 1: Rah-rah-rah....
Host No. 2: ... sis-boom-bah.
The fans, the hosts — everybody sounds the same. Listen for two minutes and you’ll feel like you’re home on the range. Seldom is heard a discouraging word. There’s a bar right between the two stations, Hogan’s Run. If the two stations put up microphones at either end of the bar and let every Brighton boozer who wandered in just belch and burp to their heart’s content, no one listening in their car would ever notice any difference.
Hey, Brady, one last thing to think about in the offseason. A haircut.
A depressed fan remains sitting in the stands at Gillette
Stadium Sunday in disbelief over the Patriots shocking
loss against the Jets. He was later escorted by security out
of the stadium.
Donnie Howie Michael Bill
Unlike the others, we tell you what's really happening.
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