'D'stands for dysfunctional, not dynasty

Patriot fans finish last again


by Howie Carr
Thursday, Jan. 20, 2011

There is no joy in Shillville — the “dynasty” got a bone in its throat for the sixth consecutive year.

It’s over. Now, please, can all of you jock-sniffers, cheerleaders, frontrunners and pom-pom boys just Get Over It and move on to the next overhyped sporting event.

I’ve got it — Beanpot Fever Sweeps Hub!

Oh, the inconsolable gloom that envelops Patsies Nation. I heard that on Sunday night after the stomping, some local loser issued this plaintive cry:

“My win-tah is spoiled!”

On Sunday, “we” were going to the Super Bowl. Then “they” lost.

Really, it would take a heart of stone not to laugh. But now it’s time to take the Patriots flag down from your front door, and it’s way past time to get that Patriots spare-tire cover off the back of the SUV, not to mention to put away the Triple XL Brady No. 12 sweatshirts.

Most of all, it’s time for these overwrought, overweight yahoos to stop thinking. There’s something not quite healthy about this obsession a certain class of males around here has for Mr. Gisele Bundchen.

Like, why do they hate the supermodel so much? Are they ... jealous? Some of these guys, when you hear them breathing heavily as they gush about Brady, you start thinking two words: restraining order.

The fellowship of the miserable, as Rick Pitino once described this sad collection, gravitates to two radio outlets: one appeals to 30-year-old men who live in their mom’s basement — the other to 50-year-old men who live in their mom’s basement.

Remember Brady’s fender-bender in the Back Bay in September. The basement boys reacted as if al-Qaeda had struck New York again. One of the room-temperature-IQ producers called 911. Like, it’s, like, Tom Brady, man, the greatest quarterback ever.

Host No. 1: I love Tom Brady more than you!

Host No. 2: No you don’t, I love Tom Brady much more than you do!

Host No. 1: Rah-rah-rah....

Host No. 2: ... sis-boom-bah.

The fans, the hosts — everybody sounds the same. Listen for two minutes and you’ll feel like you’re home on the range. Seldom is heard a discouraging word. There’s a bar right between the two stations, Hogan’s Run. If the two stations put up microphones at either end of the bar and let every Brighton boozer who wandered in just belch and burp to their heart’s content, no one listening in their car would ever notice any difference.

Hey, Brady, one last thing to think about in the offseason. A haircut.

A depressed fan remains sitting in the stands at Gillette
Stadium Sunday in disbelief over the Patriots shocking
loss against the Jets. He was later escorted by security out
of the stadium.



Donnie Howie Michael Bill

Unlike the others, we tell you what's really happening.

Hey pols, keep the $300 and buy a clue

Gov. Patrick trims legislative salaries


by Howie Carr
Thursday, Jan. 6, 2011

A $300 pay cut for the Legislature? Gov. Patrick, is this some kind of joke?

Six bucks a week? As in, that was how much the tolls were supposed to go up a few years back for most commuters, and somebody like Jim Aloisi scoffed and said it was only a sandwich a week.

So six bucks a week was nothing when it was coming out of our hides, but now that it’s coming out of yours, it’s... symbolism.

You want some symbolism, solons — let me give you a symbolic number.

The number is 100. You might even call it iconic. One hundred dollars, as in, the annual pay of a New Hampshire legislator. You know, New Hampshire, the state with no income tax and no sales tax.

Massachusetts has a 6.25 percent sales tax and a 5.3 percent income tax, and our reps’ base pay — and probably half of them are now at least $7,500 above because of their “leadership bonuses” — is now $61,133.

What is wrong with this picture?

I suppose any cut is better than nothing, but a savings of $65,000 is thin gruel indeed. Another Felon Finneran scheme goes awry — back in 1996 none of the hacks ever assumed their pay would go down, but now it has. But only until something can be worked out, perhaps by jacking up the per diem, the daily travel allowance that ranges between $10 and $110. After all, the price of gas is going up.

So, they get base pay of $61G, probably half of them (including everyone in the Senate) gets that “bonus,” the third that live more than 50 miles from the State House get a $150-a-day write-off every day the Legislature is in session.

Then there are the per diems, and the campaign-finance accounts that pay for their cars and their cell phones and their bar tabs and every other damn thing . . .

Three hundred buck pay cut?

This new year is getting off to a rather strange start at the State House. The Parole Board is enmeshed in scandal, and has the Globe even mentioned that the chairman is a former cop who was Deval’s driver in the 2006 campaign? (That’s OK, we’ve mentioned it enough for both papers.)

The new, unindicted speaker, up to his eyeballs in the Probation Department scandal, is now screaming about parole — call it Operation Change the Subject.

Deval, meanwhile, says let’s not rush to judgment, meaning don’t rush to judgment about me.

All the statewide officeholders below Deval will be sworn in on Jan. 19. That’s the first anniversary of Marsha Coakley’s stomping in the special Senate election by Scott Brown. Marsha has decided to be sworn in on the big day at the Perkins School for the Blind. No, I’m not making this stuff up.

In an interview, Gov. Deval Patrick says he will
trim salaries of lawmakers mounting the state's
$2 billion deficit



Donnie Howie Michael Bill

Unlike the others, we tell you what's really happening.