Texters drive rest of us crazy

Texting while driving ban becomes law

by Michael Graham
Monday, Oct. 4, 2010

Good morning, texters! You see that thing out in front of your car? Right there - through the windshield, with the white stripes?

That’s called “the road.” It’s also what you’ve been missing since you started texting while driving.

Now that text/driving is (finally!) illegal, the rest of us sharing that road with you want to say “Welcome back!” Now please stop making us do most of your driving for you.

For example, when you’re sitting at a stop light surfing the Web, and we have to hit our horns to get you going on green. Or when I have to make a sudden lane change on the Pike because you’re drifting into my front bumper in a text-induced stupor.

In theory, that all ends today with the texting ban. In theory.

In fact, the Highway Loss Data Institute released a study yesterday suggesting Massachusetts’ new ban may not work. It found that in four states that passed texting bans - Louisiana, California, Minnesota and Washington - the number of crashes increased.

“Texting bans, like cell phone bans, are not improving safety. We are seeing no reduction in crashes,” said the institute’s president, Adrian Lund.

I know what’s going through your Crackberry-addled brains, my texting friends: “See! Told you the ban was stupid. I text all the time and I’m a great driver!”

Wrong. Instead, the study confirms what the rest of us knew about you hard-core texters already - you’re total jerks.

Why would laws against text/driving make the roads more dangerous? Lund says it’s likely because texting drivers like you are too arrogant and self-centered to stop, whatever the law. So you try to hide your texting by holding the devices down low in the car, which means you spend even more time not looking at the road.

“If we’re not able to reduce actual texting, and we simply make it more dangerous by making it hidden, we may see an increase in crashes,” Lund admits.

In other words, the problem isn’t your technology. It’s you. You and your overwhelming narcissism. You couldn’t put down the Crackberry for 10 minutes - not you. The world’s waiting for your every emoticon.

And it’s not just when you drive. We’ve seen how hooked you are on your small screen fix. You bump into us walking down the hallway at work, too wrapped up in your “2 crAZ 4 U” texts to watch where you’re going. We’ve had you call us into “important” meetings, only to take up our time letting us watch you thumb-type conversations into the textosphere.

You’re addicted, and you’re not ready to let it go.

How else to explain why you ignore study after study proving how dangerous texting while driving is to the rest of us? According to an extensive study by Virginia Tech using dashboard cameras, texting drivers are 23 times more likely to crash. Not 2.3 times, but a 2,300 percent increase. If such a massive increase in the risk of injury or death won’t stop you, why would a $100 fine?

Look, we non-texting drivers aren’t trying to stop your fun. We listen to the radio, talk on cell phones and sip our coffee while we drive, too. We know the reality of driving isn’t the “hands at 10 and 2” drill from high school driver’s ed.